Time is everything

Time is everything – this is what I learned in the small time that I’ve been a college graduate. It’s been a little over a week since I walked on the stage in a funny black gown and a square hat with a tassel that got in my eyes and ears and mouth and then attempted to get my lipstick all over my face. Yes, people, I wear lipstick. Not as often as I would like. And I need to stop getting distracted.
So I graduated – but what came after that was not at all what I expected. I expected I would feel free and excited. Instead, I was feeling miserable, tired, and empty. It took me a week of sleeping every day for 12 hours, and then laying in bed and watching TV shows for another 12 to start feeling at least somewhat well-rested.
And finally today I am feeling like I came back to life. I woke up, I cleaned my house, I went to the store and got food, I made dinner and cake, had some eggnog, and started to thaw my turkey in a bathtub full of cold water, after which I went on a walk around town to see Christmas lights, and got to say hi to some friends. Now I am back at my warm house, snacking on strawberries and excited about tomorrow and my life in general. Today has been jolly and very much productive – exactly what I wanted my days after graduation to be.
I am happy that my down time is over – because during that time, I was depressed and angry and tired all the time, feeling like punching thingsĀ  and people, and being unable to go do my favorite fun things like walking or playing guitar or taking pictures or even playing videogames. However, I am glad I gave myself time and did not push myself to have fun productive days when I did not feel like it. I needed that down time, I needed to just sit at my house 24/7 without any aim and meaning – I needed all that to start feeling better. Time is everything, and I understand it now better than ever.

A Midnight Dance

A wild woman. And a wild man. They don’t need each other. They are both free. If they meet each other, they will be friends. If they decide they want each other, they will dance a wild dance, full of freedom and happiness – true happiness, because they will know that each of them is dancing because they want to, not because they need to and can’t escape. They can, and they’ll let each other go if they decide to, but they don’t – that’s because they want to keep dancing, because it’s fun. Each of them is free, powerful, and beautiful. They don’t force each other, they don’t hurt each other – they can’t and they don’t dare to try – because they don’t belong to each other. They are next to each other, dancing their wild dance together.

Crazy thoughts of a mad(wo)man

Okay, in the last 24 hours I studied about 11 hours. It is the last day of classes. The last official day of classes. I am feeling happy and evil. (Yes, mine is an evil laugh). I am graduating in exactly a week. In four days is my last day at work. I have to take pictures of my stuff in the house and put it on facebook and chadrad so that I could sell it. It’s been -20F last night. It’s pretty cold. It is a pretty morning and I would like to go take pictures. But it’s TOO COLD for that. I have my last class in my bachelor’s degree in two hours. And then I need sleep. But I don’t want sleep. I feel jittery and excited and I want to get all my homework done. I have only four assignments left, and a couple small things here and there that don’t count. At least not for that purpose. Walking into a bar and drinking a Bailey’s coffee while it’s a freezing night outside – is the most amazing thing ever. I still have to buy a hat and a tassel for my graduation. I am excited for graduation and for Christmas. I am sad that I will have to say most goodbyes at the end of the finals week. I am less worried about airplanes because I have my friends who are there for me. I am really tired. Next week is the finals week. But the finals will be easy. I am wondering if Burkhiser will have snacks during the finals week like they always do. There is just too much stuff, too much of everything. And most of it is exciting. After being done with two main papers that I needed to get done, I am not feeling as stressed out anymore. It’s just too much stuff at once. Most of it is fun. Some of it is not. I want orange juice. Maybe I should go eat at the cafeteria. Food is healthy.