Today in my interpersonal communication class I saw a video about troubled marriages. It was one of those “when life comes crashing down” moments for me. All of my romantic relationships up to date (whether “official” or not) – except for one – have been worse than the troubled marriages that were shown in the video. Way worse. The people from bad marriages in the video were at least trying to do something, and were at least a little bit loving towards each other despite the tremendous problems they had. I end up with men who don’t love me, or with those I don’t love.
Though the revelation is frightening, it’s not too surprising. My parents had a crappy relationship with each other. This relationship was all I saw. Theirs is the only model I have. I did know that my model was pretty bad, but I never realized that my model was literally fucked up – with mutually abusive communication, self- and mutually-diminishing conversations, silent treatment, lots of requirements and negativity – and absolutely no love and kindness.
I doubt all of you people really needed or cared to know that about me, but I wanted to share.
Also, props to the guy who was the reason I had that “except for one” written in the post. I will be always thankful.
And, people, don’t stay in bad relationships – though I do admit, it’s hard to get out.