A Monday morning with the raccoon.

I wake up and I stretch myself and I look at the world and… realize that it is Monday. Of course I get all excited and start jumping around because that’s what people do on Monday, right? Of course it is! I am Nolem Retaw, the little writing raccoon. THE little writing raccoon. No one here dare call me “A little writing raccoon”. It’s offensive. Because I am the only one, I write smart things, and I am important.

So anyways, today is my Monday and I spend it like every other human as you saw at the beginning of my unique and beautiful piece of art about me. Why? Well, because I am following the perfect correct logic. Humans can write. I can write. I am a human. There we go. Perfectly legible and true. What are you saying? My argument is not valid? Nonsense.

Anyways, where was I? Yes, my Monday. So what do people do in the morning? Yes of course, they prepare cold fish soup which is apparently called coffee and go for a walk carrying their soup in a bowl. Humans are weird, really, because raccoons drink this hot drink named coffee – which is delicious and makes much more sense. But this is another story, and I will try to make my fish soup now.

What do they do? Well, apparently they take frozen raw fish, put it in a blender and get something they call coffee. How else would they make this frozen thing of white or pink color? They are stupid to call it coffee, really. It is obviously fish soup and humans know nothing about things in this world. The thing that proves it is that they carry soup in a cup. Who carries soup in a glass? It’s retarted and gross!

So, as my morning is slowly going by, I am realizing humans have no idea about this world whatsoever. It is kind of a pathetic thought, really.  I think I need to teach humans how to live life so that they would enjoy it more. Meh, they prolly won’t learn anything even if I try hard and do my best.

Okay. So my morning is over and I need to do something fun instead of following miserable ways of humans. Coffee. Of course I need coffee. Real coffee. Not the frozen fish soup humans call coffee.

For that, I need my real morning to be there. Real morning starts when I can see stars on the sky. So I’ll have to wait for them for quite a while, so I’ll go take a nap.


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